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That was odd...

NaNoWriMo Day 24

NaNoWriMo Day 24

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I am definitely not web-savvy. By that I mean I have very little in the way of knowledge about how to set up domain anythings. I've been wrestling with Domain Monger for the past fifteen minutes in a fairly futile attempt to get my website back up and running. And by that I mean forwarding to this journal. I've got some changes in, but it will take a little bit before I can find out if they worked or not.

That's something that I want to teach myself. Learning the various types of web-fu would most likely be yet another job skill that is being searched for. So, I need to learn it as best I can as quickly as I can. Ideally, I want to learn everything there is to know about website maintainence and publishing, as I am getting tired of using various redirect tricks to accomplish my goals.

Sweet. I've been awake all day. Now if I can keep this pattern, I can make it through the holidays with minimal fuss. Unfortunately, that little part of me that constantly criticises is yelling to give up and accept fate. Hah! Like I am going to do that quite yet. No, I still need to get through at least a week before I can allow myself to slip back into my normal sleeping pattern.

It's 17:23, and I have quite a ways to go on this post. I also don't have much to write about, but that does seem to be the general theme of this entire month. So, I'm not going to stress too terribly much about that. After all, it's only a week until the end of the month. I've made it this far, and I am all but convinced that I will make it to the end.

I just finished a collection of short stories written by Joe Haldeman called Dealing In Futures, and I must say that I enjoy his writing. It's more graphic than what I am used to, but that's not too terribly hard. After all, I generally only read classic Science Fiction. You know the kind, where the cutoff is about 1950 or so. I just like the optimism of the older stuff.

That's not to say that all sci-fi from back then was optimistic. I remember there being a few stories that predicted a terrible end for mankind, and they stick with me quite vividly. Unfortunately, I cannot remember the titles, but I know I have an anthology or two that contain them. Now that I think about it, one of the stories claimed that the internet would be involved in the downfall of mankind.

Mind you, this story was written some time before 1940 or so, which makes it a beautifully accurate prognostication. Had things gone slightly differently, I can see the entirety of that story being true. Heck, it still might, as no dates were given throughout the tale. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but that is why I read science fiction.

Damn. I have 1100 more words and am exhausted. And it's only 18:00. I need to write more, but nothing interesting is going on. I'm not really hungry, so I can't make food to distract myself. I've already finished a book today, so I don't really have a burning desire to read another. And yet, I haven't really done anything to explain such exhaustion.

Well, there is one very minor possibility, but I think it so far outside the realm of accepted medical science that I want to discount it immediately. You see, I don't really go outside too terribly much during the day. Normally, I'm too busy sleeping to do so. Today, I did leave the house to take one of the housemates on an errand as she does not drive.

Could I have suddenly kickstarted my body into a diurnal state? Having been exposed to sunlight, did my body realise that it should be awake during daylight? I know that this is not something that could have happened, but it would be horrendously intriguing. Mind you, it wouldn't explain why I drift towards nocturnal. After all, if a little sunshine booted me into diurnal, why would I crave sleep when the sun shines?

Of course, there was that little hypochondriacal part of me that just needed a little bit more reassurance that it could not be. After a few moments of research, it was quite convinced that I actually have been shifting my circadian rhythm for the past few days towards activity during the day. I'm still trying to figure out why I get so concerned about things that don't matter.

After all, I have quite enough to worry about without adding medical fears into the equation. Perhaps it's because I don't really worry about what I should, and instead cultivate a bland assurance that everything will turn out just fine. I've never been one for worry, after all. Makes life much too complicated. I would much rather relax and enjoy the ride, you know?

Well, I'm now halfway to my daily goal. Today is one of the interesting days for the deadline. After I post this, I will have written four out of every five words needed to complete it. Isn't that nifty? A total of six days left, and I am so close that I can almost taste a hint of success. Soon, I will be able to verify my progress. Which reminds me, I need to go back and collect these posts to collate into one massive file.

Yeah, I go about this whole writing thing all retarded. I don't save my work. The only copy that exists of what I have written so far is on this livejournal. Every day, I go and write over my previous days work in Notepad. I have been doing that all throughout this month, so I have absolutely no backup of what I have been writing. All I have is a companion text file documenting my wordcount, along with my daily goal.

I'm slightly concerned, though. Mainly about the possibility that I will end the month just shy of the goal. Of course, I have a contingency plan for that, in the form of a very short story. Speaking of which, progress on that has basically ground to a halt. I just haven't had anything to add, as I feel like I have written myself into a corner. Actually, wait. I think I have something.

I enjoy that aspect of writing. The whole "oh crap, how will I get myself out of this one?" feeling. Like, just now. I've been stuck for a couple of days now, and I jjust realised that I am totally able to just go ahead and delete the part that was giving me trouble. I guess I was in such a NaNo mindset that it is better to have words you don't like than nothing at all, that I completely forgot that it is perfectly okay to go ahead and edit out trouble spots.

I think that is one of my problems. I get too involved in a particular mindset, and become completely oblivious to other ways of looking at things. A horrible analogy would be kind of like having to conserve matches because you are stranded on a desert island, and then refusing to use a lighter when you are eventually rescued and get back into normal life. That takes a special kind of obstinance.

Buckle down, Nick. You've only got six day until the end, and you don't have to concern yourself with trivial things like how incredibly obdurate you can get. Focus instead on what the achievement itself means. It is a symbolic gesture, proof against all of the lies you have told yourself over the years. While it appears to accomplish nothing more than a small novel, in fact it will be a small beacon of hope that you can use as a pole star.

Use that light, Nick. It can never be extinguished, because it is an accomplishment that others have watched you attain. Even if you forget, there will be record of this. Every single time that you believe yourself incapable of something, look back at this month and remember what you have done. Sure, it is something that many would regard as a trivial achievement, but to you it was an insurmountable mountain.

And look where you are now. Six short days of reaching the summit. A mere ten thousand words. By the end of this post, you will have already done four times that. And if you continue to type past what you need solely to hit the daily quota, you can finish earlier than you might otherwise. Don't think about others that have finished far ahead of you, for they have had much more practice.

With time, you will achieve that same prowess. All it takes is perseverance. Look back at the obstacles you have conquered over the past few weeks. Illness did not keep you from getting to this point, neither did your treacherous memory. Even when you had to write an insanely long entry, you did so with a minimum of fuss. Again, to others it is nothing. To you, it is everything.

Nothing can take this away. This feeling of accomplishment should stay with you always. Remember that, and you will prevail. You have six days to finish this. Assuming that you sleep for eight hours each day, that still gives you ninety-six hours to write ten thousand words. That works out to two words each minute.
And if you further cut that time in half to make room for other activities, you still only need write five words every minute to hit the end. Compared to what you have done so far, requesting a mere five words per minute is something that is laughably easy. Don't stress over how large the number seems, for when it is broken down, it is but a trifle.

Okay, the last quarter of this post seems to have turned into a pep talk, but that's okay, as it helped tremendously towards my daily quota. I'm actually looking into self-publishing this month so I have a more physical representation of my success. That should be an interesting adventure. Not a terribly adventurous adventure, but interesting nonetheless.

That's all for tonight. Good night, everybody. Stay safe out there.
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