Eddie (edminster) wrote,

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I'm lying here on an air mattress at my best friend's place in Monrovia because my Sister is getting baptised into the Seventh-day Adventist Church on Holy Saturday. I think it's pretty awesome that she's found Faith again, even though it's not the one I chose. Of course, not a lot of people think that mine is really worth anything, but I find it comforting when I need to look for answers.

But this post isn't about me, or my religion. At least, not yet. It might meander that direction as I continue on, but that isn't my intention.

Now, I love my sister. This is one of the reasons why I am willing (if slightly unenthusiastic) to get dressed up fancy for this. It's her day to say that Yes, she Believes again. And she's joining a church that one of her best friends atends, so there are familiar and kind faces for her there. If all of the Seventh-day Adventists I've ever met are any gauge, she's going in with good people.

Of course, a sample size of four people is not exactly something that one should form a general opinion on, but I work with what I can get.

I never really talked about Faith with any of my siblings, and I kinda feel really bad about that. After all, I spend a surprising amount of time trying to unscrew the Inscrutable, so it seems kind of incongruous for me to keep silent about it. But then again, my siblings and I don't keep in touch very often so I suppose it's not too odd.

Sitting here and thinking about this at sometime past two in the morning makes me realise exactly how sad this is. I mean, we're family, right? We're supposed to be there for each other, right? So why on Earth do we avoid each other with the only exceptions being major holidays? The three of us lived together for about sixteen years, and we hardly ever talk to each other.

It's probably because our interests almost never overlap. At least, I don't think they do. I don't know for certain because (as I said before) we never talk. Even when we do, it's just a quick run-down of all the things that have changed since last we met. Most of the time, all that has changed are living conditions. Sixteen years together, and we are essentially strangers.

At least, I feel like they are strangers. For all I know this lack of communication is limited to myself. I really wouldn't be surprised if this turns out to be the case, as I am generally introverted to the extreme. I come out of my shell a little when I'm with my best friend or on a Forum, but the rest of the time I can generally be found reading or otherwise cutting myself off from the world.

Part of me wonders if I would be happy in a monastery somewhere, but I do not think I would like it terribly much. Really, what appeals to me is cutting off contact with the rest of the world for a while. I remember one of my favourite books as a kid was My Side of the Mountain, by Jean Craighead George. I wanted to grow up and be a hermit, and this has carried over throughout all of my life.

As it stands, I live a pseudo-hermitic life. While I can't claim to spend vast stretches of time without contact with others, almost all of the things I do in my spare time are solitary engagements. If I go meet friends, it is usually only about once a month; the rest of it is spent reading books, taking walks, or moderating a Forum.

Which is why my wanting to talk more with my siblings is such a big deal for me. It is basically an attempt to throw off just a small portion of my self-imposed eremitic lifestyle. A lifestyle that I've been in for as long as I can remember. Really, it's an alarmingly large thing for me to consider. The closest thing I can think of to compare would be like Paris Hilton deciding to take the veil.

But it would be worth it in order to learn more about my sister and brother, right?

We'll see if I still feel this way after Easter. And after a good night's sleep.

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