Eddie (edminster) wrote,

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I do stupid things. Not stupid enough to permanently disable me, mind you, but most of the stuff I do leaves some sort of permanent mark on my body. Usually a scar. But recently, I did some stupid things that I should have known were stupid in advance.

First on my list of stupid is walking barefoot in the basement. Now, for many people, this isn't stupid. But for me, it is not only stupid, but I had been told not to do it, ever.

You see, back when I was a midget, and when my parents were still together, my Mom did Stained Glass art. She had her studio set up in the basement of our house. For those of you who don't know, Stained Glass art is commonly seen in Churches, and is made from many, many pieces of cut glass, which is then soldered together to form pleasing images.

I should tell you that glass, when cut or broken, has this strange tendency to be really, really sharp. So, the area outside my Mom's studio was off limits to anyone not wearing shoes. Now, it has been many years since my parents divorced, and my Dad has long since turned her studio into his office. But, every once in a while, you can still find teeny, tiny slivers of glass in the basement.

I found one with my right foot.

So, yeah, it hurt, and it bled. It's stopped now, but I will wear shoes in the basement from now until I forget again. It also reminded me as to why shoes are nice.

Nest on my list of stupid is bacon. Now, unless you are at serious risk of heart disease, or a vegetarian, bacon is a tasty treat. Unless, of course, it is slightly on fire.

To be fair, the bacon was not on fire when I ate it, but it was pretty darned close. You see, my girlfriend had been cooking bacon for part of her lunch the next day, and was not used to cooking bacon. She set the stove temperature to '8' which should, in my opinion, be followed with the words 'times hotter than the Sun.'

So, the house soon filled with a light fog of bacon smoke. I now know why there is no bacon-scented incense. It smells awful. But, trying to assuage her embarassment, I said that I liked burnt bacon.

So, she offered me a piece of the freshly-charred bacon, and I foolishly popped it in my mouth, and started chewing. That's when I realised something. The sizzling sound wasn't the bacon.

It was my tongue.

So, yeah. I'm gonna be careful about food from now on. But it was hilarious, in a way. I got a brand new experience in my life, and I don't know of anyone else I know who has heard his or her tongue being cooked.

Yargh. I'm gonna go take care of my foot, have fun in internetland, everyone.
Tags: bitchblogging

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