Eddie (edminster) wrote,

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I Can't Come Up With A Good Title AND Aspartame is a tool of the Devil

First, I have some very shiny news. My Father, by far one of the bestest dads alive, has gifted me with a Livejournal Permanent account. Well, not so much gifted, as I now owe him a large amount of money for it, but still. Also, and don't hold me to this, I think he has also registered an account. So, not only do I have shiny news for myself, but wombat_socho should be happy, as well.

Onto my post.

My Sister is Bipolar. Either that, or she's in a horrible relationship with her boyfriend. Every time I see her, she is either a preppy, happy individual, or a seriously depressed, very homicidal lunatic. And this is ALL the time, not just certain times of the month. (Yeah, I sidestepped that one nicely!)

Anyway, I worry about her. And yet, there's nothing I can do. Whenever she's in a happy mood, she refuses to acknowledge that anything is ever wrong. And when she's in a homicidal mood, the safest plan is to just hide the knives, and stay out of her way.

Onto the family part of my title. My Dad is strange. Well, not so much strange, as he is just a bit, oh, I don't know... off, in a way. He uses the term 'slightly eccentric.' Now, tell me what you would think of a guy who has not only burned soup (you know, that food that's mostly WATER?), but just recently, used a waffle iron to make a grilled ham & cheese sammich. Does that sound normal? I submit that it does not.

To be fair, he didn't use the waffle iron on purpose, but still, he has burned soup.

Anyway, on to the Aspartame portion of my post. It is a nasty, nasty creation that should be destroyed as soon as humanly possible. Also, soda companies should really make the word 'diet' the main feature on a soda can, so as to avoid the unwitting ingestion of the Devil's Sugar.

I say this because, in the tradition of me doing easily-avoidable stupid stuff, I started drinking a can of diet Mountain Dew Code Red. After a couple of sips, I set it down and continued typing down my 'Corrections And Apology' post. Several seconds later, I have a distinct lack of feeling in my mouth. I chalked this up to the Bacon Incident, and continued drinking.

Fast forward a few hours, and the feeling is gone. I eat some dinner, and then casually drink some more Dew. The numbness returns. At this point, I still haven't discovered the true nature of this demon brew, but I had a suspicion. So, I check the ingredients panel. Sure enough, the seventh ingredient is aspartame.


Anyway, I am happy to hear that my stories are entertaining, at least to the women who read my journal. I occasionally have a serious spell, but for the most part, I'm just typing down how I live my life. Personally, I think everyone would be much happier if they could just step back and see the absurdity of what happens in their life.

But then again, silliness must be tempered with seriousness, else it loses its potency. I am working on finding the perfect balance, but until then, expect more of my life here.
Tags: bitchblogging, opinionriffic, past midnight

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