I'm fairly certain that I'm going insane. I mean, I'm already crazy, in that way where everyone has a strange quirk, but this is different. I think I'm crossing the threshold that seperates the run-of-the-mill neurotic types from the people in straitjackets. The kind of insane that makes headlines in the local newspaper. The kind of insane that makes psychologists kill for a chance to do a case study on.
I'm crazy, no doubt about it. I've been on one medication or another for the majority of my life. Mood stabilisers, aggression inhibitors, anti-depressants. You name a drug that stops the insanity, I've been on it. But they aren't working anymore. Not even in doses that should have killed me long ago. Nothing is effectively combating whatever is wrong with my head.
If 'more drugs' is not the answer, maybe shoving me into an insane asylum is. Maybe I can overcome whatever synaptic misfires are affecting me. Maybe I can learn what is the root of this insanity that I suffer from. Maybe the people there can help. Maybe, Maybe, Maybe. It won't help. I know it won't. The only thing that can help me now is sleep.
I'm crazy, no doubt about it. I've been on one medication or another for the majority of my life. Mood stabilisers, aggression inhibitors, anti-depressants. You name a drug that stops the insanity, I've been on it. But they aren't working anymore. Not even in doses that should have killed me long ago. Nothing is effectively combating whatever is wrong with my head.
If 'more drugs' is not the answer, maybe shoving me into an insane asylum is. Maybe I can overcome whatever synaptic misfires are affecting me. Maybe I can learn what is the root of this insanity that I suffer from. Maybe the people there can help. Maybe, Maybe, Maybe. It won't help. I know it won't. The only thing that can help me now is sleep.
To be fair, it did come about from a moment of despair at lack of sleep recently, but the post itself is just half of something I had written at work. I kinda stopped writing when I noticed it was 0300.
But, yeah. I do need to get more sleep, because the meds aren't working anymore. That much of it is true. I've got a meds follow-up appointment this coming Monday, so I'll be talking about whether or not I need to up the dosages.
Also, you have no idea how life-affirming it is to have somebody worry about me so much as to comment on my journal. Thank you.
By the way, who are you?
Also, since I stayed home sick today I thought I'd rent Legend. We went to the two rental places closest to the house and all copies were checked out at both places. Bummer!
Wow. Even 21 years later, Legend is still that popular. Awesome.