I feel ill. Not really anything that would hospitalise me, but just an overall blah feeling. I really don't want to write today, I would much rather sleep. Unfortunately, I have to prove myself wrong on this. I want to prove to myself that I'm not a complete and total failure. I need to know that I can set a difficult goal and beat it.
That's where a large amount of my angst is coming from, at the moment. I can't seem to succeed using nothing but my wits. I just want to make a living by being a spectacular human being, rather than crying plaintively for someone to help me up. And to make matters worse, all the advice that I'm getting basically tells me to give up, because I can't make it on my own.
I suppose part of me wants to believe that I can make it through, no matter the odds. That I can bootstrap myself. I've grown up hearing stories about people who succeed at doing the impossible, and incorporating those into my idea of what I should be. What has changed? Why were people my age able to own houses and have families started fifty, seventy-five, or one hundred years ago? What was different for them?
I don't have any idea, because I wasn't alive in those times. And besides, if I knew, would it really change anything? I can only hope that it would, but I don't expect so. Ugh. Illness begets navelgazing, I think. There is just something about your body aching all over combined with a stuffy nose and headache that makes you wonder what the hell went wrong to make you feel so bad.
Dammit. My spacebar is definitely acting wonky. I've just had to go back through and put space between eight seperate pairs of words. Also, one triplet. I have noticed that I mainly use my right index finger to hit the spacebar, rather than the thumbs as you are taught in typing classes. I suppose that I will just have to train myself to use more than just that finger for hitting that key. Oh, but where will I find the time for that, what with looking for a job, learning spanish, and feeling sorry for myself? /sarcasm.
I feel like a loser, you know? I mean, you aren't reading this to hear me bitch and moan about how I can't seem to catch a break. Unless of course you just enjoy the schadenfreude of it. If that's the case, I don't blame you. I sure as hell put out a lot of that on here. I have a question for the people who know and interact with me in real life: Am I always this whiny? Or is it just on this journal?
Anyway, let's try and get out of this funk by learning something. Learning is always fun.
Wow. That idea got shot down before it even left the gate. You see, I was checking the XKCD blag to see if Munroe had anything further to say about the election, and was reminded of... Naw, I won't tell you the chain of events that lead to it, I'll just let you know the result. I started browsing http://www.decorumcomics.com/ which is similar in art style to XKCD, but the humour is different. Close, but different. At times, much cruder. Much, much cruder So, I will put this post on hold until I finish the archive. Shouldn't take too long, as there are only 165 comics.
I've finished it. It's decent, but it's no XKCD. I found only two comics that made me giggle like a maniac, and the rest of them just left me feeling like I had wasted time reading it. So, read at your own risk. Alright. Beyond that, I'm feeling really run down right now, so I'm just going to post this as-is. Of course, I don't think I'd be able to go to sleep for a bit anyway.
I'm at that point of exhaustion where I am physically tired enough to go to bed, but nowhere near tired enough to actually fall asleep. I don't like that. It's... annoying, to say the least. Ugh. Stupid half-stuffed nose. I will admit that I would rather have this nose half-stuffy than all the way stuffed up. However, I would prefer it to be clear even more. Anybody else ever get only one side of your nose stuffed up? It is really gorram annoying.
I don't know what I want to do right now. Should I go rest, or should I play My Spanish Coach? I'm also half-watching the movie 'Into the Wild', directed by Sean Penn. I think so, at least. It's an okay movie. Of course, that impression comes from me only half-watching it. If I was devoting my full attention, I would probably have a different reaction to it.
Hey! Development in the snotty nose newsfront. I'm a quarter stuffy, and it'snow swapped nostrils. Man, being sick sucks.
Yeah, I'm packing it up for tonight. I'm still about a hundred words short of even hitting one thousand, but I am having issues keeping focused on writinf, and I've had to correct four spelling mistakes in as many words. So, goodnight everybody, and stay safe out there in internet-land.